YoullNeverUnderstand

I watched out the window as the clouds drifted casually through the dark sky. The sun was slowly setting as day became night and I became more and more scared. I listened to the sound of the cars rushing along the busy main road, everyone with somewhere to go, whether it be home to their family or out to see their friends. What I'd give right now to be in my car off to my boyfriends for the night. Instead I'm led here, no place to run or hide. Thoughts of today fill my head, and thoughts of way back then. I thought the past was forgotten, done. Little did I know that it would come back to haunt me like this. I hadn't really meant to tell her

How can you say that and then leave? Ignore me when I call your name. Knowing you've just hurt me so bad. I can feel the paranoia kicking in. I've tried to avoid this for so long. I really have but it's hard. I can't keep tabs on you, but I still keep trying. I wish I could take control of what you do. Make this easier, make my pain go away. Trouble is I know that would hurt you more and destroy whatever 'us' we have left. My eyes sting like hell from tears that can't come out. It feels like I cry too much but not enough. I know all you'll do is laugh at me. I guess that's what hurts the most.

Ross, Holly and I eat our sandwiches on the grass. Kian laughs. "I'm not sure of anything" he says. The ache in the pit of my stomach is back and the light is fading, streaking the sky with ice. "Well I didn't promise exactly" Scarlett says She's been looking at darkness, he is sitting on a rock beside the water. Kian stares into the fire, his face highlighted in the rain "Please stay" she whimpers "I'm disappointed in you Scarlett, you promised me" "You made your choices" She replied. You knew I didn't need him, even when my life was falling apart in front of my eyes. "Perhaps your right" Scarlett said uncertainly, "How did it go so

It's not even fair. You have it all and i'm stuck here with nothing. When you left you took with you almost every part of me. You took away my reason to breathe. Yet you don't even realize. Since you left, I've hardly left my room. Haven't left the house. Not if I could help it. You however, have hardly been home. I've heard about your adventures, all the places you've been. It kills me that i'm not there to experience it with you. I doubt you've ever given me a second thought. My name is just a name to you now. When before it meant so much. I believed in us, I thought you did too. Then bigger and better things came along. I never knew you we

It all started on that fateful day six years ago. There, was that line good enough? When they told me to write about things, I didn't imagine it was going to be this hard. I knew it was never going to be easy. Maybe I didn't expect thinking about it to bring up as many emotions as it has. Anyway whilst trying to start the story, and all that was in my head was 'once upon a time' but I assure you this ain't no fairytale. Far from it. I guess I should introduce myself; otherwise I'll just be another person. I guess to you that's all I am. I have a name. Although I heard when people read books they give each character their own name, or relate t

I'm living life within these swarms of people, but to me they are all just strangers by my side. I'm laughing at the jokes that they find funny, but secretly i'm breaking down inside. I'm searching for a place where I belong, but you're the only one who really makes me smile. I'm hoping for the future that I dream of, but I know I need to work for it and try.

And now The illusion has been shattered, Thrown out the window, Like that mirror that used to live on your chest of drawers. You were like my mirror, I saw in you all the traits I believed I held, Good and bad. I discovered alot about myself, Whilst I was finding out about you. Rumour has it 'opposites attract', Maybe we were just too alike. I didn't ever expect it to be like this. End like this. I picked up the pieces of the mirror, I'm not sure I can do the same now.

 I love you more than you'll ever know. You are my life, despite all the crap that comes in between. You make me so mega happy, that the crap almost seems worth it. Almost. Things between us are complicated, but i'm beginning to get used to that. Every day is unpredictable, and the ups and downs are pretty huge.  Mostly it's my fault, and i'm trying to change. But change takes time. You've made alot of promises, i'm not sure you can keep. I wonder how long it will be before you get bored of my lies. I should stop lying really. But i'm not used to telling the truth.

Sometimes I wish things had worked out differently between us. I often sit and wonder what would have happened, had obstacles not got in the way. Had things not changed. Maybe I would be happier, had I made a different decision. Although it's only your happiness that matters. I hope I was right to have left you so blissfully unaware. To get on with your life. I'm gonna try not to dwell on it. For had I wanted to change my decision I could have done, at any given moment. I still could, but i don't think I will. Life goes on.

I used to think you had it perfect. Now I realise I may be wrong. Your just better at hiding everything than most people I know. Makes me jealous. To be honest. I've begun to realise you don't see what I see, but maybe i'm just seeing wrong. Whilst I was caught up in the perfection that you portray so damn easily. To you it's just how your life has been. Truth is, I don't know you well enough yet. Maybe you won't let me into your life, or maybe i just don't want to be there. I'm not entirely sure. Guess we'll see what happens.